The grasp of addiction
One cold and bitter evening I was walking home. I was completely broke and fed up. The agonizing grasp of addiction was reaching it’s peak, making me weak, needy, and vulnerable. I was depressed, anxious, and angry. Enveloped by a dark pit of emptiness, where the suffering never seemed to end.
My brother killed himself 16 years ago. I didn’t know how to cope with his death so I ran to cheap substitutes to fill the void, and ease the pain. I had an addiction to crack cocaine, pornography and sex. While I ran the streets with the Latin Kings, (although never initiated into the gang) I lived like a fool. I was a lost cause to many, and I knew it. People trashed my name. I was often betrayed, and I was often homeless. Funny, how the things I wanted to make me feel better only further served to do the opposite.
I was done suffering. I wanted more than this from life. Anything.
I tiredly stared at the bright moon and out of my dark soul begged God, if He was real, to help me that night. Sometimes it takes every ounce of pride to be stripped from you to really consider if there could be more to life. To hope that maybe there really is a God. Sometimes you have to make a choice.. Stay where you are, or spread your wings and fly. It only takes a seed of faith to find out how high that choice will take you.
It wasn’t very long before the answer came.
Someone answered my call. Someone heard me. Relief met my pain ridden heart. I met God on a farm in the upper peninsula of Michigan. A place where a city boy like me, had no business frequenting. A place where God laid a new path for me. A rocky, challenging, relapsing path to freedom. I will never forget the peace that enveloped me as I lay in bed spiritually bankrupt. The first ounce of peace I had ever felt.
He was real.
Jesus was the only sliver of hope. My precious friends, I can gratefully and humbly say that God has healed me. Many people wonder why I am so full of joy and peace. It didn’t come easy, but only through God. That night was 12 years ago. It has been far from perfect, but it has been worth it. The difference between the person I was and who I became is dramatic. I live a life of true freedom, and I give God all the glory and honor for everything and in everything.
You can continue to chase after satisfaction and fulfillment in all this life has to offer but you will always have this nagging feeling that something is missing. Because something is..
Jesus Christ is the solution.
and your freedom.
All possible because of a tiny seed of faith….
– Roberto Steve Rivas