I was a victim of a horrible crime, but I am strong.
My story isn’t an easy one to share. As a small child I learned that life isn’t easy and it isn’t always right. Life is rocky. We get up, fall and then get back up again. We are weak and we are strong. I never asked for what happened to me, it just happened.
When I was little, my parents constantly fought. Their fights were awful. They consisted of death threats and hate. As the oldest child, I felt responsible for my siblings. I had to be strong for them through all of the tears. We did not know God. We had no one to turn to. Regardless, I had learned to keep getting up and being strong…
That was until one summer when I was just seven years old. That summer something happened that changed the course of who I was and what I was becoming. That summer, my life changed forever.. It broke the strong in me, my sense of the world, my identity.
I was molested.
It’s the hardest thing in the world to talk about… It’s not an easy thing to remember. But I remember it very clearly. Every day that summer I endured it, over and over again.
After that summer was over, I tried to move forward as best as I could. Two years later I gathered the courage to tell my mother what had happened, only to find that she wouldn’t believe me. I loved my mother, but this was the final straw that shattered whatever strength I had left in me.
From there it was a downward spiral. I became clinically depressed at the age of ten, and by the age of eleven I was having suicidal thoughts. I didn’t feel there was any reason to live, and I was lost and despondent. A child should never be that way, but I was. So, I began counselling.
I suppose the counselling wasn’t helping, because by fourteen years of age I tried to kill myself. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I did not want to be in this horrible place anymore. Hope was a word that had no meaning. I had spent one month as an inpatient and years in therapy and medicated. All the while, still suicidal. I attempted suicide two more times during the course of ten years during which I had become a mother of three beautiful children. For the most part I still did not want to live, but my heart ached for my children. I loved them and wanted the best for them. It was a fight between love and pain.
Then it happened. Everything started to change as I came to know Jesus. I had known the name Jesus, but I had known literally nothing about Him. People had said the phrase, “Jesus loves you,” and it meant nothing to me whatsoever. But miraculously, as His love does, He opened my blind eyes and softened my heart of stone. He opened my eyes to His light, His goodness, and His love. For the first time I knew what love was. I finally knew what I was worth. Healing began.
One year ago on March 4, 2016, I was set free from my torment! My freedom had started at an encounter women’s retreat during prayer that broke the chains that had held me down. My depression lifted. Gone were the suicidal thoughts that had plagued me since I was 10 years old. I am here to tell you today, that no matter what you are facing, you can be free too! I am here to tell you,
You are loved. You are valuable.
I have been free from medication and suicidal thoughts for just over a year now. Everything has changed in the most dramatical but beautiful way. My life isn’t perfect, but I no longer fall and I am no longer crushed because Jesus is always holding me up.
“He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
He drew me out of deep waters.” ~Psalm 18:16
Submitted by Dianna Yates
If you missed the last true story, read it here.