There’s an all too common trend these days. I believe it is the root of many divorces, family feuds, lonely people, and hurting children.
Think about the people you love, your spouse, parents, siblings, friends. They are valuable relationships, and valuable people. If they are anything like you and me, they can be good, bad, and everything in between. In other words, imperfect.
A problem I hear about often these days is that people are giving up on each other and cutting off important relationships. And while there certainly are instances where that should be considered for safety and health, many, let’s just be honest, can be worked with. Maybe we believe it’s the only way to solve a problem, but does it really solve it? Maybe it’s easier to say goodbye than to hold out our hands to a struggling person, but easier usually isn’t better.
This is counter to what society is telling us today. Society tells us: stand up for your rights. You deserve better. How could you let him/her treat you like that? The truth is, we don’t LET anyone treat us any particular way. In fact the way someone treats us is completely not in our control. Second, standing up for ourselves is good, but when that is at the forefront of our mind in every conflict, it is NOT a boundary. It is defensive. Which, is not love. At. All. It is actually self focused, and destructive.
There are more and more marriages falling apart now than ever before, often a result of this one simple thought: I deserve better, I deserve to be happy. He/she doesn’t respect me, I’m gone. That may very well be true, because he or she may not respect himself. But what does that have to do with you? The real question is, do you respect yourself? Why rely on someone else to give you happiness? What is your sense of self worth like? These questions are critical, because for the most part, if you value yourself, it won’t matter what he/she has said or done, you are grounded. You know truth, you can let an insult slip by unwavered, and you can keep smiling in difficult circumstances.
The truth is, people won’t respect us based on our value, they will respect us based on their own sense of self worth. And you can’t make your spouse or friend respect you, all you can do is bring what you have to the table. Don’t give up, and love. Love is the most powerful thing on earth. It has the power to heal, to change, sometimes the most impossible circumstances. Love doesn’t keep track of what is fair, it is selfless. People are not dispensable. Learn your boundaries, your worth, remember the worth of others, and keep on fighting the good fight. It’s so worth it.