This is your marriage
Ladies, society has lied to us. We have been taught to be strong, take care of ourselves, be independent.. but we haven’t been taught how to be wives. Our society is laced with a disrespect towards men.. and then we wonder why they don’t step up anymore. We have been placed on the path of divorce without even realising it.
Marriage can be difficult and unfair. Many spouses are hurting each other, sometimes unintentionally. But most often men are unlikely to say so. It’s time to stop that cycle. It’s time to fight for your marriage, instead of against it. Even if you are dealing with a broken avoidant husband, you can’t change him or make him step up to his responsibilities. But, you are not completely powerless either. Your actions and your attitude can make an incredible impact.
Your husband needs you.
Your husband needs a partner, a true friend. What he does not need is another critic.. or a nagging, independent, demanding, or gossiping woman. He does not need a woman who ‘won’t put up with crap’, because forgiveness is essential. Bitterness will destroy every ounce of love you have.
Boundaries are so important.
They express a love and concern for the both of you. They are quite different than intolerance. If you find that you can no longer tolerate your husband, you’re likely filled with anger and bitterness. Let that go, because it will only hurt you. If you have an unhealthy dependence to each other, you will find it hard to have boundaries. Let me be clear, for those dealing with abuse, an addicted husband, or any other extremely damaging behaviours, you NEED to step up your boundaries. There is a great book on this called Boundaries in Marriage which I highly recommend. You need support, and you need to be safe.
No amount of lecturing, yelling or pulling away is going to change your husband.
It will only drive him further from you. But God can take the worst scenarios and turn them around for good. Praying for your husband is so incredibly important. The Unveiled Wife has great resources on prayer in marriage. Remember when you pray, to do so with love and not with selfish motives. You don’t have the power to fix your marriage, but God does.
My husband was very broken.
We endured the biggest nightmare you could imagine. I waited and prayed patiently for two years to watch God do his work, cried many tears and spent so many moments filled with worry. I had to let go of him and give him up to God on a daily basis. It was a time of learning how to lean on God to heal my pain. Those struggles were worth it. My husband found Christ, and his heart was changed. We are stronger than ever, and we have the kind of relationship I dreamed of having my entire life. We definitely both worked for it.
Your marriage is meant to be beautiful, and it can be.
Marriage is about partnership. Your husband may have friends, but he will only have one true friend who has his back 100%. That’s you. When he is weak lift him up in prayer. Be his constant, be trustworthy, but more than that, be the love you long to receive. Even when it’s not fair. The way you live and your attitude has the power to soften his heart, and that is where your strength lies.
Ladies, I speak to you because I have been there and overcome. I want to empower you today. Remember, love is not self-seeking, it is not proud, it is respectful, kind, and patient.
Real love has the power to change EVERYTHING!
Don’t miss the last post: True Love That Lasts